130+ Horrible Puns That Will Have You Laughing (or Groaning) Out Loud

Puns are the jokes that keep on giving, even when they don’t quite land as planned. You either love them, or you wish they would disappear into the pun-derworld. Well, if you’re the type of person who enjoys cringing at corny wordplay, you’re in for a treat.

We’ve rounded up a list of 130 horrible puns that will have you laughing, groaning, or maybe even both. So, buckle up and get ready for a pun-filled ride!

Sure! Below are 136 horrible puns, organized with H2 headings:

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1. “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”

2. “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”

3. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”

4. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

5. “The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.”

6. “I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.”

7. “I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on. Then it clicked.”

8. “I’m friends with all electricians. We have such good current connections.”

9. “I once told a joke about a pencil, but it had no point.”

10. “I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.”

11. “The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field.”

12. “I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.”

13. “I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.”

14. “I couldn’t figure out how to do a math problem, so I just squared it.”

15. “The puns I make are always a pun-derful experience.”

16. “I’m terrible at math, but I know how to count on my friends.”

17. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”

18. “I tried to catch some fog yesterday. I mist.”

19. “I couldn’t trust the elevator, it was always up to something.”

20. “I used to be a fisherman, but I couldn’t catch a break.”

21. “Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.”

22. “I’m reading a book on reverse psychology. Don’t bother trying to stop me.”

23. “I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop anytime.”

24. “I wanted to learn how to juggle, but I couldn’t handle it.”

25. “I don’t play soccer because I enjoy kicking back too much.”

26. “I couldn’t find my origami book, so I just folded.”

27. “I’m really good at my job as a banker. I have outstanding accounts.”

28. “The librarian got kicked out of the bar. She was caught checking out books.”

29. “I’ve been trying to organize a hide and seek contest, but it’s really hard to find good players.”

30. “I’m going to tell a joke about a pencil… but it’s pointless.”

31. “The musician had a hard time with his career. He couldn’t find the right note.”

32. “I used to be a professional cricket player, but I retired because I got caught out.”

33. “I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps.”

34. “I had a job as a professional cricket player, but I couldn’t keep up with the bats.”

35. “I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”

36. “My friend’s bakery burned down. Now his business is toast.”

37. “I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have the patience.”

38. “I can’t believe I got kicked out of the knife shop. I guess they just didn’t like my sharp wit.”

39. “I once tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.”

40. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”

41. “I went to buy some camo pants, but I couldn’t find any.”

42. “I broke my pencil, but it was pointless.”

43. “I’ve started collecting music boxes, but it’s just a hobby I wind down.”

44. “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”

45. “The calendar factory had to shut down. Its days were numbered.”

46. “I couldn’t get my laundry done because it was a washout.”

47. “The cheese factory exploded. There was nothing left but de-brie.”

48. “I know a joke about a construction, but I’m still working on it.”

49. “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”

50. “My cat is a great comedian. He’s always pawsing for laughs.”

51. “I used to be a gardener, but I couldn’t keep up with the plants.”

52. “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”

53. “I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.”

54. “I couldn’t remember my weightlifting routine, so I just shrugged it off.”

55. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”

56. “I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.”

57. “I got a job as a professional cricket player, but it was short-lived.”

58. “I was going to make a pun about the ocean, but it’s too deep.”

59. “I don’t trust people who do acupuncture. They’re back stabbers.”

60. “I once got a job at a bakery, but I had to quit because it was just too crumby.”

61. “My computer beat me at chess. But it was no match for me at kickboxing.”

62. “I was going to tell a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”

63. “I made a pun about the wind, but it blew over.”

64. “I don’t trust the stairs in my house. They always seem up to something.”

65. “I wanted to learn how to juggle, but I couldn’t handle it.”

66. “I used to work for a blanket company, but it was too much of a cover-up.”

67. “I’m trying to write a joke about a broken pencil, but it’s just not making the cut.”

68. “I’m friends with all electricians. We have such good current connections.”

69. “I lost my job at the bakery. I wasn’t enough of a doughboy.”

70. “I’m friends with all librarians. They’re always checking me out.”

71. “I asked the librarian if the library had any books on suicide. She said, ‘They’re over there, but they’re all checked out.’”

72. “I wanted to learn how to swim, but I just couldn’t dive into it.”

73. “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”

74. “My friend used to be a baker, but he couldn’t make enough dough.”

75. “I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.”

76. “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”

77. “I can’t believe I got kicked out of the knife shop. I guess they just didn’t like my sharp wit.”

78. “I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”

79. “I went to a wedding last week, and I had a blast. The reception was great.”

80. “I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on. Then it clicked.”

81. “I used to play tennis, but I couldn’t handle the racket.”

82. “I made a pun about the ocean, but it was too deep.”

83. “I’ve been trying to organize a hide and seek contest, but it’s really hard to find good players.”

84. “I couldn’t figure out how to do a math problem, so I just squared it.”

85. “I lost my job at the bank. I just didn’t have enough credit.”

86. “I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have the patience.”

87. “I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.”

88. “The clock factory is great, but it’s always on the go.”

89. “I wanted to get into film, but I just couldn’t find the right reel.”

90. “I wanted to get a job at the zoo, but I didn’t have the proper qualifications.”

91. “I had a dream last night that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a fanta sea.”

92. “I once tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.”

93. “I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.”

94. “I broke my pencil. It was pointless.”

95. “I was going to start a band, but I didn’t have enough notes.”

96. “I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.”

97. “I couldn’t remember the rest of my story, so it became a plot twist.”

98. “I got a job as a musician, but I couldn’t find the right note.”

99. “I once made a pun about the bakery. It was half-baked.”

100. “I made a joke about a restaurant, but it didn’t have good taste.”

101. “I was thinking about making a pun on my pencil, but I thought it was too sharp.”

102. “I’m not a fan of elevators. They always have their ups and downs.”

103. “I started a job as a fishing guide, but I was caught out.”

104. “I was going to tell a joke about shoes, but I didn’t want to put my foot in my mouth.”

105. “The wedding was lovely, but the reception was shocking.”

106. “I once worked at a fire station, but I couldn’t handle the heat.”

107. “I used to have a pet bird. It was very tweet.”

108. “I tried to make a joke about the jungle, but it was too wild.”

109. “The photographer was great, but I couldn’t picture my life with him.”

110. “I used to work in a bakery, but it was a crumby job.”

111. “I told my friend I could make a pun about shoes. He said I’d put my foot in my mouth.”

112. “I wanted to become a lawyer, but I couldn’t find the right case.”

113. “I used to know a guy who made bad puns. He was pun-ishing.”

114. “I can’t stand bad puns… they’re pun-ishing!”

115. “I wanted to make a joke about butter, but it was too spread out.”

116. “I used to be an archaeologist, but I just couldn’t dig it anymore.”

117. “I tried to catch some fog yesterday, but I mist.”

118. “I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”

119. “I got in trouble for making a pun about a bakery. It was too crumby.”

120. “I used to be a butcher, but I just couldn’t meat the demand.”

121. “I tried to tell a joke about construction, but it didn’t hold up.”

122. “I was thinking about becoming a banker, but I didn’t have enough interest.”

123. “I tried to tell a joke about food, but it was a real plate of nonsense.”

124. “I couldn’t make a joke about the sea. It was too deep.”

125. “I’m not good with numbers, but I can count on my puns.”

126. “I wanted to make a pun about lemons, but it was just too sour.”

127. “I once tried to make a joke about a pencil, but it was pointless.”

128. “I tried making a pun about laundry, but it came out wrinkled.”

129. “I thought about writing a joke about coffee, but it was too latte.”

130. “I used to be a mechanic, but I just couldn’t fix my career.”

131. “I made a pun about cheese, but it was too gouda to be true.”

132. “I couldn’t make a pun about trees, because they’re too rooted.”

133. “I told a joke about light bulbs, but it didn’t shine.”

134. “I’m thinking about writing a book on bad puns. It’ll be a pun-derful read.”

135. “I told a joke about the moon, but it was way out of this world.”

136. “I tried to make a pun about computers, but it just didn’t compute.”